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My top 20 triggers for neurospicy meltdowns...

...and what you can do to help.


Okay, let's delve into the world of meltdowns – those intense moments of overwhelm that can leave both our neurodivergent tweens and teens and us feeling drained and helpless. You know the ones - when they are finally asleep, or refocussed and you are left feeling like you've gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson! But fear not, because understanding the triggers behind these meltdowns and learning how to support our children through them can make all the difference. So, grab a cuppa and let's explore 20 common triggers for meltdowns and practical tips for providing support.


  1. Sensory Overload: Bright lights, loud noises, strong smells – sensory overload can quickly lead to meltdown territory. Create a calm and quiet space where your child can retreat when sensory input becomes overwhelming. If you are out and about, this can be as simple as a pair of headphones.

  2. Changes in Routine: Unexpected changes to routines or transitions between activities can be challenging for neurodivergent children. Use visual schedules and prepare your child in advance for any upcoming changes to minimise anxiety. Time can be a tricky concept, so linking it to something else can help - for example 'When the washing machine finishes' instead of 'in 30 minutes'. My washing machine has a countdown on it, so is especially neurospicy friendly!

  3. Emotional Overwhelm: Difficulty understanding and regulating emotions can contribute to meltdowns. Teach your child emotional regulation techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and using a feelings chart to help them express and manage their emotions. Let them see you using the same techniques.

  4. Anxiety: Anxiety can manifest in various ways and trigger meltdowns. Validate your child's feelings, provide reassurance, and teach coping strategies such as positive self-talk and grounding techniques. Remember it is OK and normal to feel any feelings; it's just how you act on them that may need tweaking.

  5. Communication Difficulties: Difficulty communicating needs and frustrations can lead to meltdowns. Encourage alternative forms of communication such as using visual aids, sign language, or communication apps to help your child express themselves effectively. You know what it's like when you get mad and can't think of the word you want to say - this can happen to neurospicy kids on a daily basis.

  6. Sensory Sensitivities: Sensory sensitivities to specific textures, tastes, or clothing can provoke meltdowns. Respect your child's sensory preferences and provide alternatives that are more comfortable for them. This is obviously linked to Sensory Overload, but I'm thinking more about feel and taste here. My daughter finds that having a smooth stone hidden in her pocket really helps as she can just hold it when needed without anyone knowing.

  7. Sleep Disturbances: Lack of sleep or disrupted sleep patterns can exacerbate meltdowns. Establish a consistent bedtime routine and create a sleep-friendly environment to promote better sleep hygiene. This is a biggie and we can only do what we can do! Sleep is a massive issue for all teens and especially the neurodivergent. We will come back to this in a later blog, but just being aware of the days following a bad night is a good start.

  8. Hunger or Thirst: Hunger or dehydration can intensify emotional responses and trigger meltdowns. Ensure your child has regular nutritious meals and snacks throughout the day to maintain stable blood sugar levels. If your child is older and is likely to hyperfixate on things when you are not there, having a snack stash that is quick and easy for them to access is vital!

  9. Overstimulation: Too much stimulation from screens, crowded environments, or social interactions can overwhelm neurodivergent children. Monitor their exposure to stimuli and encourage breaks when needed to prevent sensory overload. Try to build 'quiet times' into their day, especially if you have been particularly sociable as a family.

  10. Perfectionism: Striving for perfection and fear of failure can be overwhelming for neurodivergent children. Foster a growth mindset, celebrate effort over outcome, and provide encouragement and support rather than focusing solely on results. This one is particularly prevalent in girls. It is so important that we model this one when we are working in the home and doing jobs. If you are learning a new skill, you can't expect to be able to achieve it straight away.

  11. Executive Functioning Challenges: Difficulties with planning, organisation, and time management can lead to frustration and meltdowns. Break tasks down into smaller steps, provide visual reminders, and establish routines to support your child in managing daily activities more effectively.

  12. Unmet Expectations: Feeling misunderstood or unable to meet expectations can trigger meltdowns. Be realistic in your expectations, offer praise and encouragement for effort, and celebrate small victories along the way. Asking your child to help with household tasks from an early age is a great way to develop this 'muscle'. Also don't be afraid to ask your child for help if there is something that you are struggling to do on your own.

  13. Social Pressures: Social situations and peer interactions can be overwhelming for neurodivergent children. Teach social skills, provide opportunities for practice in a supportive environment, and encourage open communication about social challenges. This is another huge topic and one I will cover in more depth in it's own article!

  14. Environmental Changes: Changes in environment, such as moving house or starting a new school, can disrupt routines and trigger meltdowns. Offer plenty of support and reassurance during transitions, and provide opportunities for your child to gradually adjust to new surroundings. Big life changes are difficult for everyone, but for the neurospicy, it takes a long time to get used to a new environment. Allowing them to visit before it happens can really help.

  15. Sensory Seeking Behaviours: Some neurodivergent children may seek out sensory input in ways that are disruptive or unsafe, leading to meltdowns when their needs are not met. Redirect sensory seeking behaviours towards more appropriate activities and provide sensory tools or toys for self-regulation. This is an important one to tackle at an early age as neurospicy teens have a very skewed vision of danger. Giving them a toolbox of safer activities is a great idea.

  16. Physical Discomfort: Pain or discomfort from physical conditions such as headaches, stomach aches, or sensory sensitivities can contribute to meltdowns. Address any underlying medical issues and provide comfort and support to alleviate discomfort. This comes back to keeping an open dialogue with your child as much as possible and knowing the signs. I knew something wasn't right with my daughter, but it was only after asking the right questions that I found that she had some bad blisters from going climbing. We treated them and she was much calmer.

  17. Emotional Trauma: Past experiences of trauma or bullying can trigger emotional distress and meltdowns. Offer a safe and supportive environment for your child to express their feelings and seek professional help if needed to address trauma-related issues. Many neurospicy tweens and teens will be reticent to talk to anyone about traumas. My experience is to just keep offering it and letting them know it's an option when they are ready.

  18. Unstructured Time: Too much unstructured time or boredom can lead to restlessness and frustration, increasing the likelihood of meltdowns. Provide engaging activities and opportunities for your child to pursue their interests and hobbies. You will also find that if they have something later in the day, they may spend an hour or two (or longer) simply waiting for it to happen.

  19. Academic Challenges: Struggles with schoolwork or academic pressure can be overwhelming for neurodivergent children. Advocate for appropriate support and accommodations at school, and offer assistance and encouragement with homework and studying. Most schools are much more enlightened now and offer support. It is important, however, that you still keep an eye on this and make sure you stay 'in the loop' so you know what support they are getting.

  20. Lack of Control: Feeling powerless or unable to control their environment can trigger meltdowns. Involve your child in decision-making and give them choices whenever possible to empower them and foster a sense of control over their lives. This really needs to start from an early age and can simply be 'Would you like fish fingers or nuggets for tea?' As they get older, the choices become more important and you can start to expect them to explain their reasoning to you.

Phew, that was quite a list! But remember, each child is unique, so what triggers meltdowns for one may not affect another in the same way. Take the time to observe your child, listen to their cues, and tailor your support accordingly.


Recognising the triggers behind meltdowns and providing appropriate support is essential for helping our neurodivergent tweens and teens navigate the challenges they face. By understanding their needs and empowering them with coping strategies, we can create a supportive environment where they can thrive. I'm sure there are many other triggers you could add to this list. If you have more, let me know in the comments and if you would like me to go into more detail about any of the things mentioned here, just let me know.


Love


Gilli



Teenage girls lying on a sofa with her eyes closed, listening to music on her headphones
Time out teen listening to music, lying on the sofa

 
 
 

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